I Still Run Into People

I still run into people who knew me through Oz. Not many, because my routine has changed so much. I simply don't go many of the places I used to go with Oz. However, there are some people I still see. And some people will have their own routines. For example, they come out walking their dogs, when I'm getting things out of the car.

These people always know that something's happened, because well, it had to. We walked by them every day, sometimes three or five times a day, and then we didn't. It just stopped.

I'm serious. There are places while houses that are same block away. Oz and I used to walk several 5-10 minute walks, well, say 10 minute walks, so she could pee. We'd do these about three times a day. This was in addition to the big W.

If someone lived within the range of the short walks they really see us, well, 3, 4, 5 times a day. So, to go from five times a day to, say, zero ellipses well, that's a big jump. In any case, they know they ask about her quietly… hesitantly. Some of them raised one hand, as if to pat me on the shoulder. If they are walking their dogs, they look at their dogs. Sometimes they calldogs to them, so they can pat them on the side. They feel the wind that blows without her.

And then, when asked, I tell them. I tell them how we fought to keep us alive, and how closely monitored her through that last month. We didn't want her to suffer, but we didn't want to kill her before her time. Putting her to sleep when she still had life and joy -- that would've been wrong. So I tell them. I told him how we fed her for the last few weeks. Howard took longer and longer until it took an hour a day just to future. How the tumor grew in her mouth until eating became more effortful. All the signs were she could he went from greedy dog big yes I'll take that hamburger, to normal size bytes to polite bites to teeny tiny ridiculous little fragments. By the end even the hard chocolate -- ha! That's a laugh. Even the chocolate on the edge of a Reese's Cup was too much for her. It was too stiff to rasp to get past that damn tumor.

Oz was also tired at the end. The vet told us she had been anemic. I didn't know she was anemic. All I knew was, walks took five minutes to get to a house might take 20 home. In fact, last Sunday service with us, that's exactly what happened. She insisted on seeing her friends, who live five minutes walk away. We got there, and she played with them, briefly but joyously. Then we turn to go. We walked one yard's width, maybe two. And then we would rest. And then I would guide on us up slowly onto her feet would rock another 2 yards. One time I cross the street. That's all they did. Then she had to lay down. The thing was, the thing that broke my heart, she was so happy to be there, happy to be with me, have you suck up the sun.

I'm choking up now, and it shouldn't surprise me. We still miss her.





Greg